The Worst Open Mic Experience I’ve Had In A Long Time

A friend of mine who used to do standup told me to let him know the next time I did an open mic, because he said he wanted to get back into standup and go up too. So I found an sign-up-onsite open mic we could both do in Adams Morgan, and we made plans to do the mic.

A shot of my drink and notebook as I waited for the open mic to start.

My troubles started getting to the venue. Since I was leaving my office at 5:30, I had to drive in rush-hour traffic–making for a longer drive than usual. When I got to Adams Morgan, my problems continued. All the street parking was either full or required a DC zone permit (which I do not have); there was also construction blocking my usual Adams Morgan parking location.(I’ve gone dancing in Adams Morgan many times in the past.)
After 25 minutes, I settled for garage parking: $10,00 for under an hour, $15.00 for 1-2 hours, and $20.00 for two hours and up. Great, expensive parking. I get in the garage, and it’s the tightest thing I’ve even seen. I’ve had MRIs before, but this parking garage made me claustrophobic. I spent five minutes angling my car into a parking spot, and there still wasn’t enough room for the guy next to me. My left mirror was inches away from a concrete pillar, yet if the motorist next to me wasn’t two dimensional, they weren’t going to be able to get into their car on the driver’s side. Luckily, someone came and moved another car and I was able to park in another spot.
More trouble: I still had a few minutes before I had to be at the venue, so I decided to play Pokemon Go to kill time (and Adams Morgan should be more of a happening spot than where I live). Yet all I got were a few Pidgeys, a couple Rattatas, and a Spearow or two. I tried to do battle at one of the gyms but I kept getting an error and couldn’t fight. Ugh.
I went into the venue and waited for the mic to start. This went okay. I got a half-priced drink and worked on a bit until the host went up and got the comedy party started.
Something must have come up; my friend didn’t show. I do mics by myself all the time so it wasn’t a problem in that respect–still a bummer though. I was really hoping he’d come out and we’d do a mic together.
It was a tough crowd. I think only two or three people did well (they almost exclusively did crowd work). I don’t know if it was the alcohol or there was something going on with the microphone, but it was hard to understand people at times. I suspect the later, because of the crowd work a comic did. He asked a guy at a table “what he was in to” and he responded with “Women.” Other people groaned and the comic turned to me: “Sir, what are you into.” I responded: “I’m into women as well.” This got laughs, but I could hear someone say “what?” They couldn’t understand me.
Then I bombed. Whatever. I’m just one of the many comics that did that night. I did have one joke in a bit that I’m working on land. That’s probably the only good thing that happened to me all night. I’ll take it.
I stayed for the next few comics that went up; there were only a few left. I thought a couple of them were funny, and they hardly got any laughs from someone that wasn’t me. That made me feel a bit better about my set. I felt bad for a new comic who unfortunately chose this mic as his first. He bombed, as most new comics do–even in front of “warmer” audiences. He didn’t even do his full time, just thought *to heck with this* and got off stage. I hope he tries again at some point.
After the mic I closed my tab then went to the bathroom. When I came back notebook was still there but my pen was gone. My pen was gone! It writes horribly, but it’s a novelty pen. I like it. I constantly joke that you can steal my jokes, but please don’t steal my pen. I asked the bartender if she had seen my pen. Apparently she grabbed my pen (out of my notebook) after somehow thinking it was the bar’s and returned the pen to me. Did she somehow think that was the bar’s pen? It’s obviously not the bar’s–and it was IN MY NOTEBOOK! Did I not tip her well enough (five bucks for two rum and cokes) where she thought she needed my pen as well? I don’t know, but I got the pen back, and for that I am happy.
I probably won’t hit up this mic again anytime soon. I should note that none of this is the host’s fault. He’s a really nice guy that I hope I see around again. And his night was arguably worse too; his mother was there to see him perform.

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